Dear Nat Nat

As I type this I am literally crying. Please disregard typos.

Natalie,
Mommy loves you more than all the stars in the sky. I miss you so much. I am so torn about starting school. I feel as if maybe I should have waited until you where older and in school, maybe then I wouldn't feel so much like I have abandoned you. I sneak a peak at my phone in class, not to see what time it is, or to text really quick, just to take a look at your smiling face on my screen. I feel so uncomfortable in class. I don't like getting up in the morning and missing my Nati time. As it is I barely have time to dress you and take you to Tammie. Every second that I steal away to love you before I leave gets me into trouble when I arrive at school late, but I need our morning interaction to get through the day. I know my instructors don't understand, but I know you do.

I wish I could stop and pick up dinner on the way home everyday, I hate how dinner preparation takes away more of the time I have to spend with you. I know I may not be keeping the cleanest house in america, but I know that you are getting to spend the most time possible with mommy. I love our bath time at night. I love watching you smack your rubber duckies under the water, and your laugh melts my heart. I wish there was a way I could sneak you into my classes, but I know you would make yourself known. I know you my Nati could not bear the thought of a human being being present and not paying attention to you.

I hope that this schooling pays off and that the time I miss with you now will be worth it some day. I want to give you the world, but in order to give it to you I have to finish school. I just never knew it would be this hard.

Mommy Loves you Nat-Nat,
Love Mommy.